Literary Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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By Robert Charles Wilson (1998)
Europe disappears and an alien jungle takes its place, which is awesome in that the French are gone, but it also sucks because so are all the European chicks and European chicks are so much cooler & hotter than American ones. Sorry, self-centered American bitches, but it's true. Anyway, these cats decide to explore the jungle, and the story's cruising along just fine until out of fucking nowhere it turns out that everything that happened so far is actually going down inside a space book from the future that's infected with a computer virus, or some crazy Matrix horseshit. What the fuck??? You can't just dry-gulch people with that kind of crap halfway through the book! Who does this prick think he is? And besides going off the goddamned deep end the story gets pretty sloppy too. Like in one part the main cat is writing to his wife and says he has to be "succinct", but then he writes this: Light comes fitfully through these high stone embrasures, filtered by oilcloth or animal skins, and I have to make a contribution to our survival even if it's a modest one... blah blah blah blah... Dude, that's not what "succinct" means. Also he says that nine of the explorers are still alive, but when he names them all off there's only eight! Fucking bush league. Anyway, there's a bunch more idiot crap about aliens recording all of history and super computer viruses and the end of the universe, until finally the good guys and the bad guys settle the whole thing with a gunfight. I seriously cannot believe that after all this high-falutin', pretentious malarkey the best this bozo could come up with to wrap it all up was a gunfight. This is supposed to be a sci-fi story, not the season premiere of Simon & Simon. Seriously, chief, don't quit your day job. Unless writing is your day job, in which case please do quit.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
