Doomstalker? Doomstalker? I'm sorry, but "Doomstalker" is a stupid name for a book, or frankly anything else. If there was some real-life thing that stalked people to their doom, they still wouldn't call it a "doomstalker". It just sounds too retarded. The story's about this cop who's being hassled by a monster, but it's kind of hard to care what happens to him because he's a complete and utter cocksucker. Even his wife calls him out and says he acts like a Nazi. His excuse?

Terrific. That's just the pig I want pulling me over. This guy is such a shitbag that halfway through the book the writer suddenly decides that one of cats he's bumping heads with needs to be a pedo who fucks 11-year-olds, just to make the cop and his massive prick ego look good by comparison. And frankly it's still a toss-up. After his wife gets so fed up that she decides to dump him and play for the other team (for those of you who don't get subtlety, that would be the lesbo team), he finally gets around to going after the monster, which turns out to be half demon, half Greaser (that's "Greaser" with a capital G, whatever the hell that's supposed to imply). See, originally the monster was half demon, half pizza man (I swear to fuck I'm not making this up), but the cop's dad exorcised it back in the 1950s so it got super pissed off and reincarnated itself as the cop's sister's illegitimate kid. Oh, and get this: after the kid was adopted by some other family they named the little rugrat Dorcas! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Who names their kid "Dork-Ass"??? No wonder the fucker wants to kill everybody.

This book is full of idiots (like the main cop's partner, who actually calls somebody a "barfbag" in one part; I didn't know 5-year-olds could even be cops); there's tons of lazy, sloppy mistakes (in the most important part of the story the main guy, as a little kid, runs home and catches his dad duking it out with the pizza demon; later, when this comes up again, it says he rode his bike home); and the whole damn thing is just moronic beyond comprehension. I've read other books by this Gary Brandner joker and frankly they weren't half bad, so I don't know what happened here. Maybe he was trying to get fired or something.