Literary Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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By Ramsey Campbell (2005)
If you're a big fan of British people putting books on a trolley and then sending it up & down a "lift" (that's limey for "elevator") then this is the novel your ass has been waiting for, because that happens about a thousand times in this piece of shit. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all that happens. It's basically about these annoying teabags who work at a haunted bookstore, but it's one of those pretentious novels where every little thing they describe is all flowery and shit so it takes people like ten or eleven pages to do anything, including walking across a parking lot or answering the telephone. It's fucking ridiculous. Plus instead of talking like real people, they all talk like people in a crappy, pretentious novel. Like for example, when this one dipshit can't get a door open, instead of saying "What's blocking the damn door?" he goes: "The obstruction must be on your side. Can't you identify it?" I'm sorry, but nobody talks like that, not even limeys. And I should probably point out that the drama of the stuck door goes on for twenty-five pages! I'm dead serious. Everybody in this story sucks, so it's nice when they finally start dying, but even those parts are boring and it takes like 300 pages of crumpet-stuffers shelving books, standing around, agonizing like a bunch of women over a stuck door, and just generally picking their asses before you even get to them. The part I liked best is at the very end, when this one guy thinks "This is pointless... It's stupid beyond words." You got that right, jack. People are always complaining that nobody reads anymore- well the dude who wrote this book is probably one of the main reasons why.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
