Literary Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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By Kenneth McKenney (1976)
Back in the 1970s there was this dumbass "plants have ESP" fad, and some people actually thought that plants could read your mind and shit. Even for the 1970s this was beyond fucking retarded, so they didn't come up with too many books or movies about it. Somebody did write this one though, and needless to say it's completely moronic. The first five chapters are about a squash for fuck's sake. Oh, excuse me, an EVIL squash: "They were beginning to feel its presence like fear." Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Duh. I can't believe the scariest plant the raging hack who wrote this could think of was a squash. Jesus. Later all the plants come to life* and they invade this village full of annoying yokel dipshits. I especially hated the main guy's son; it says he's eleven, but he talks like a 40-year-old with a master's degree in pretentious asshole: "It's very puzzling, though." Okay, no little kid sounds like that, and even if one did it would be maybe five minutes before somebody beat the absolute shit out of him. I prayed for his death, but unfortunately the little ass-sucker survives. And speaking of the main guy's kids, what the fuck is going on between his 7-year-old daughter and the old bat who lives down the lane: Mabel Crewe could not take her eyes off the child's innocence. I'm pretty sure I know what part of the body a girl's "innocence" is, and that's fucking disgusting. She's seven years old you twisted hag dyke. At least wait 'til she hits 14, like a decent person. Obviously it wouldn't be any great loss if the plants wiped out every single one of these fucks; too bad that's not what happens. Instead, the day is saved when all the villagers literally hug a tree! What a load of gay-ass, hippie bullshit. I say if the plants want a war, we give it to 'em: bury that hick dump in a few metric tons of Agent Orange and we'll see who comes out on top. Best of all, the only collateral damage would be a bunch of backwater hippie perverts getting cancer. Everybody wins. * Yeah, yeah, I know plants are already alive. You know what I mean.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
