Nearly every story about the last man on Earth ends up being total bullshit, because they always want to throw in a last woman on Earth too which completely defeats the purpose. This book puts that off for quite a while though, and in the meantime some of what the main cat does when he realizes he's the last sucka standing is pretty entertaining. I especially liked it when he completely cracks up and decides to sail around the world and burn all the great cities. That may sound kind of dickish, but think about it: he's the last man on Earth so who's going to miss them? The guy who wrote this just couldn't resist though, so it takes like twenty years but eventually a girl does show up and just to make things extra male-fantasy creepy she's half the main cat's age, totally naive, and doesn't even know how to talk. You know ol' M. P. Shiel (the M. P. stands for "Major Pervert") was jerking it like a madman just thinking about this chick, but astoundingly enough the cat in the book won't have anything to do with her. Now if he was gay, or had gone for so long without pussy that he just didn't give a shit anymore, that would be one thing, but as it turns out he wants it bad- he just won't fuck her because he doesn't want to have kids and like re-populate the human race, possibly because then he really would have to answer for burning down all those cities. So he whines and agonizes about it for years (literally) and it turns into this huge moral and philosophical decision and oh, the humanity but allow me to offer a possible solution. Are you ready? Condoms. That's it, you hyperbolic drama-queen asshole: just stroll into the nearest pub that you haven't torched yet and pick yourself up some goddamned condoms. Problem solved, and in way less than 463 pages too.

Fuck this book.