Literary Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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By Jack Cady (1980)
This bozo has to clear out his family's huge, tacky mansion, which just happens to be full of ridiculous Dungeon & Dragons style traps. The guy calls them "tricks", and every time he opens his mouth it's "tricks" this and "tricks" that... he sounds like a jackass. Or a prostitute. He also says that the house is "a place where the freaks have genitals for brains" whatever the hell THAT means. Naturally he ends up getting trapped inside with his girlfriend, because why wouldn't you bring your girlfriend to a house full of deathtraps? Actually I can think of several reasons to do that, so never mind. Oh, I almost forgot: the house is possessed too and it has all these powers, like being able to "shift time" (a good example of this is how it seems to take decades to read this book, even though it's only like 200 pages long). Unfortunately, the supernatural shit that goes down is so Christing weak that even the people it's happening to aren't impressed. Hell, right in the middle of escaping they stop to make coffee, and then, I swear to fucking God, the girlfriend takes a nap. If this is how boring it is to experience the horror you can imagine how much it sucks to read about it. After what seems like years of dicking around the main guy finally sets the house on fire, which he could've done on page two and saved everyone a lot of grief, especially us. I can't imagine how much cock this dude had to suck back in 1980 to get this story published, but if he wrote it today I guarantee it would only be available on a free GeoCities page that nobody ever, ever visited.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
