If you ever read the Dennis the Menace comic in the newspaper you know that it's basically The Family Circus, but with only one kid: every day Dennis the Menace says something "cute", everyone pukes, and then ten or eleven more people cancel their subscription, leading to even more layoffs at the newspaper place. That's why this may be so hard to believe, but back in the day Dennis the Menace was actually funny. Think I'm shitting you? Check out this old comic book where Dennis the Menace and his friends are trick-or-treating (notice Dennis is dressed as Satan). His neighbor Mr. Wilson won't cough up any loot, so they decide to vandalize his property. The only problem is they need a screwdriver, and they don't have one. But Dennis the Menace has a solution:

That's right- he borrows it from Mr. Wilson! Talk about balls. Best of all, his plan works: they steal Mr. Wilson's gate, put it on his roof, booby-trap it, and Mr. Wilson is almost killed:

Ha! That's fucking great. Dennis the Menace doesn't need a quasi-traditional holiday excuse to destroy things though. Here he is trashing a ticket counter at the airport for absolutely no reason:

In this one, he brings a wild animal into the car that attacks his dad and almost causes a huge traffic accident:

Since he failed to wreck the car entirely, he decides to at least destroy the interior:

And the coup de grâce, combining theft, arson, and the promise of later chaos when no one can find the men's shower and/or wanders into the ladies' shower by mistake:

Dennis the Menace didn't just limit his crimes to vandalism though. Here's some more of his delinquency:

Dennis the Menace breaks some old guy's hand.

Dennis the Menace beats up another kid.

Dennis the Menace criticizes the Boy Scouts of America.

Dennis the Menace and accomplice get Mr. Wilson arrested.

Dennis and his crew trash his little girlfriend's house.

Dennis the Menace pisses on Women's Lib.

Dennis the Menace kidnaps a small child.

Dennis the Menace on gun safety.

Dennis the Menace mocks Christ.

Now don't get me wrong, he didn't always get away with his bullshit. For example, in this panel I think Mr. Wilson is threatening to stab him with one of those little garden shovels:

Usually his dad was the one who finally flipped out though, and that guy didn't fuck around:

Jesus Christ. Maybe that's why Dennis is so lame now, because he fears for his life. Irregardless, old-school Dennis the Menace will always rock, so in its memory here's my favorite prank of all:

That's right: Dennis the Menace mixed the kind with the schwag.