Seduction of the Idiot
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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This comic is based on one of those Stone Age computer games where all you did was type in two words and the game told you what happened next. Like say you'd be in a room and there was a door in front of you, so you'd type "Go door" and it would say "You can't do that" so you'd type "Open door" and it'd say "You can't do that" then you'd type "Exit room" and it would say "You can't do that" so you'd type "Fuck you" and go watch TV instead. Those games fucking sucked, which is why I'm pretty sure nobody on Earth ever actually played Questprobe, except apparently this cat:
Sheesh, leave it to Black Iron Man. The comic version starts with all these goofy-ass aliens wearing glitter rock makeup. The main one sports a sparkly afro/King Tut beard combo too, and I'll be fucked sideways if he doesn't look exactly like the clown who invented the game. Check it out:
The ego on this guy, right? Anyway, their peacenik planet is about to get invaded and they don't have any superheroes, guns, nukes, or even a board with a nail driven through it, so the main alien sends an old school popcorn maker wearing a dress to Earth to copy our superheroes' powers. Instead of just asking though, Questprobe makes all this trouble and then tricks the superheroes into giving up the goods. He gets the Hulk in issue #1, Spider-Man in #2, and the Human Torch and the Thing in #3.
I did like the part with the Thing, because when Questprobe first shows up the Thing is getting hassled by a guy who looks just like me:
Meanwhile all this other crazy shit is going down behind the scenes, none of which makes any sense. The stupidest part is when we find out that the invaders' big goal is to steal all these gems that can't be destroyed. They have to be careful though, or the gems will be destroyed:
All right, come the fuck on- these two panels are right fucking next to each other. I mean, I'd probably be pissed off if they made me write the "Questprobe" comic too, but at least pretend like you're making an effort, you hack assholes. The whole story is so retarded and incomprehensible that it probably would've taken a shitload of issues of Questprobe to sort it all out, so it was a lucky break for everybody that after #3 it just got cancelled. The world was a better place for a while, until one day:
Hey, it's the X-Men. They're pretty cool and... Wait, who's that on the back cover???
God dammit. Oh well, at least we get to see some of the X-Chicks in swimsuits. The years rolled by and it seemed like we'd finally seen the last of Questprobe. But just like the genital herpes, Questprobe was waiting. Then it happened.
Right in the middle of this huge story where Quasar is in a fight with pretty much everybody in the universe, Questprobe pops up again, still copying superheroes' powers:
I like how he can hover as high as he wants,
but he got this chick It looks like he bit off more than he can chew this time though:
Ha ha! Sweet! Eat it, Questprobe! I don't know what happened next, but with Questprobe out of the picture hopefully the invaders managed to take his planet down and wipe out his faggot glam rock friends once and for all. Screw those sissy assholes, and their cunt video game.
"I do what I want!"
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| All original material on this site Copyright 1995-2010 Inept Concepts/Mr. Satanism. All rights reserved. Other materials posted for archival or referential purposes are copyrighted by their respective owners; their use here does not constitute a challenge of said copyright. By moving your lips while you read this, you waived me of all legal responsibilities into perpetuity. Please do not copy original text or images, in whole or in part, without written permission. My lawyer thinks like Darrow and dresses like McBeal, so she will win. Now buy some merchandise, you little bitch. | |
YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
