Home

A Universe of Failure

Remember those goddamned "New Universe" comics from the 1980s? Lately there's been a lot of people saying that they really weren't so bad, and these people are usually stupid fucking kids who think that anything that's old and sucks (like, say, Dexy's Midnight Runners) is all kitschy and hilarious. Well, rest assured, you uninformed little asswipes, the New Universe wasn't funny for those of us who had to live through it; it was just one long trough of shit, and everybody had to take a drink.

Check out that sales chart in the background with black & white comic books doing way better
than regular comic books. Ha ha! Keep dreaming, you hacks.

So anyway, back when the New Universe first came out these "Blackthorne Publishing" guys decided to make fun of it, which was a pretty good idea. Too bad their comic is a hundred times shittier than the New Universe ever was. For example, one of their big jokes is that the main guy keeps pissing himself, which everyone knows is only funny if a drunk chick does it while one of your friends is fucking her. Then there's the "hilarious" names they came up with for everyone: like there was this one New Universe cat called "Merc", so here they call him "Jerk". Mad Magazine eat your fucking heart out. Here's some more of their brilliant observations:

So I guess their point is that the New Universe comics are totally lame and unoriginal. Unlike, say, Blackthorne Publishing's comics:
 

Mmm hmmm.

Uh huh.

Yeah.