I'm not being all hyperbolic or whatever, this really is the worst comic book story ever published. It's from Charlton Bullseye #4, November, 1981, and it's only one page long, so here's the whole thing if you want to read it before we begin:

A million stoned monkeys on a million malfunctioning typewriters couldn't possibly mangle the English language any more or make any less goddamned sense than this one page of complete fucking gibberish. Who in fuck's holy name actually put this in a professionally-published comic book? Were they fucking insane? Did they lose a bet? Did the person who wrote it win some sort of lawsuit against them and they had to publish it? There's literally so much wrong with this one page that I don't even know where to begin. I guess the best place would be... the beginning.

"Tale of a Guardian". Guardian of what? We never find out. Get used to the feeling, because this is only the first of many things we are never, ever going to understand.

As you were you had and you are had what???? I think this guy just invented a new tense: "past incomprehensible".

A scepter? I thought he was singing karaoke. Okay, though, if you say so, it's a scepter. Since no one ever mentions it again it obviously isn't important. Leaving one to wonder why it was mentioned in the first place. Art-wise this is the most amazing panel of the story though: we know from like the context that it's supposed to be a picture of a superhero jumping a monster, but honestly, if it wasn't for the words you could rotate it in any direction and it would be equally impossible to confirm or deny what the hell is happening in it. Check it out:

It's like one of those Rorschach tests, except in this case if you manage to see anything, you're completely insane.

This meaningless twist would be a bit more effective if you hadn't been too goddamned lazy to draw any of these "articles" in any of the previous panels, you fucking moron.

Do I really need to point out that nowhere in this story is the monster wearing a medal?

"My last punch knocked"? Okay, now we're not even using complete sentences anymore. And you didn't seem to understand? So, what you're saying is that you suspect you didn't understand, but you lack the perception to truly know if you didn't understand. I hate to admit it, but that's kind of Zen.

Oh, here's the missing part of that sentence! And the missing medal! And everything has reappeared! "Everything" being the floor, apparently. Congratulations, nameless superhero, you've successfully defended yourself against... Oh, wait, I guess technically you started that fight, didn't you? Irregardless, it was had am another fascinating adventure! That no one will ever seem to understand.