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1408

(2007)

"1408" is the best, freakiest Stephen King story ever, so of course they made it into a movie that's a hilarious piece of shit. The thing that made the story scary was that it was all surreal and you totally couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening, but in the movie version it's just your usual haunted house bullshit: ghosts walking around, blood pouring out of the sink, a window slamming down on the main dude's hand, goop leaking out of the wall... Seriously, this crap was fucking weak when they did it in The Amityville Horror and that came out in the 1970s. And even when they do manage to pull something freaky out of their dicks they still find a way to screw it all up. Like in one part the main dude is yelling across the street to this other cat to help him out and suddenly he realizes the guy is like his mirror image. It's all creepy and fucked-up, so of course they completely ruin it by having some goofy-looking joker suddenly pop up out of nowhere and attack him. And you gotta love it when the whole place freezes like in The Manitou, or when they play the "creepy kid" card because fuck knows we've never seen that before. What a fucking joke. Watching this movie is like winning a bag full of assholes.