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28 Days Later

(2002)

I think we all know that animal rights people are probably going to end up destroying the world, and for what? Animals suck. I get all my food at the grocery store anyway, so who needs animals? Duh. Well in this flick, some animal rights asswipes try to save these zombie monkeys, and you can imagine where that leads: 28 days later this guy (I think he's one of the Geico cavemen) wakes up in the hospital and it's a full-on zombie jamboree. At first he can't find anybody though, so what does he do? He goes to church! If you think you missed the Rapture or something it's too late now, assbrains. When he finally figures out what's going on he teams up with some other people (a decent-looking black dame, an old guy, and a little chickie who's TYTBSH but she just is) and they head for the hills. After they rip off every single part of Dawn of the Dead (the buying groceries part; the stopping for gas, poking around an empty building, and having to kill a little kid part) they hook up with all these army guys, but their leader turns out to be a complete bastard. He decides it's time for some rape, but then the main dude manages to free this zombie they keep chained in the backyard and it pretty much fucks the army cats up. When are the people in these movies gonna learn not to keep zombies as pets? And how come no amount of military training or whatever can prevent guys from being tricked by a hot chick? If I ran the military, I would cover that on the first day. Also I'd take back Cuba. This may be a complete fucking ripoff, but it is a zombie movie so at least it's gory (you don't see a lot of G-rated zombie flicks), but except for one zombie there aren't any tits. They do show the Geico dude naked though- twice! And they find like every excuse they can to show him with his shirt off. Goddammit, there's just no reason for that kind of shit- I don't care how gory their movie is, I don't need these people pushing their fag agenda on me. Save it for some artsy-fartsy vampire movie, you queers.