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976-EVIL II

(1992)

This starts out with a passable dame showing off the dynamic duo and then getting impaled, but after that it's all over the fucking map. There are some cool parts - like when this guy gets blasted by a semi truck - but then they turn around and have shit like the main dude getting attacked by a kitchen (complete with frozen pizzas flying out of the freezer like frisbees*). It's also got a part where Red Sonja reads her lines off a piece of paper she's got not-so-cleverly hidden in a book (dumb twat), and that bit where a ninja pops up in a chick's car and drives it into an electrical transformer, which I've seen reused in at least two other movies (example). Cheap, lazy fucks. And could someone please explain to me how a ghost can be killed by falling off a cliff? The one thing that saves this flick is the main chick's best friend; she is so goddamned fine there aren't even words in the English language to describe it. You'd have to speak French:

Seriously, we are talking total destination fuck here. Plus she likes horror movies, and seems to be the only person in this flick who knows how to dress. Too bad she gets sucked into a TV and killed by the zombies from It's a Wonderful Life. No, that's not a typo. If these chuckleheads had been smart, they would've come up with some viral marketing where you call the 976-EVIL number and she talks dirty to you. Of course if they were smart they wouldn't have made this movie in the first place.

*My spell-check kept trying to capitalize "frisbee", but I wasn't having it. Fuck you, Wham-O.