Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(2000)
I swear, the hack fucks who made this must've used some kind of complicated space-age math to figure out exactly how little they had to do and still technically end up with a mummy movie. Seriously, it's like mummy minimalism. Basically, this out-of-shape mummy ambles around somebody's house* until it's time for the big finale, where a skinny, cross-eyed dork wearing a towel and a stripper's cape tries to sacrifice an ugly virgin to Tic Toc the rain god and end the world. This whole movie is a complete bag of shit: nothing happens, there's barely any blood, and the only passably cute chick is this blonde who's such a stupid fucking whore that it's almost not even worth seeing her tits, and she doesn't show them to us anyway. Also, if you're gonna sacrifice a virgin isn't it like standard operating procedure to rip her shirt off first? I know I said the virgin was ugly, but hell, the damn movie was almost over with zero prospects and that late in the game I'm willing to take just about anything. I guess you could say this flick is like the movie equivalent of a fat chick at five minutes past last call, but that isn't entirely fair. This flick is more like getting dissed by the fat chick and settling for eating out a homeless guy's asshole. * It's supposed to be some kind of college research place, but it's obviously just some Mexican doctor's summer home or something.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
