Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1996)
This dude lets his wife drive their boat, and the stupid bitch manages to sink it within 30 seconds. Then a giant squid eats them. Next time room service forgets the mayo on your club sandwich and you think it's the worst vacation ever, shut up and count your fucking blessings, pussy. Anyway, this fisherman guy* finds the dead peoples' raft, but when the cops say they need it for evidence he wrecks it just to be a cock, and later he pushes around another fisherman and steal his fish traps. Believe it or not this prick is the hero, so you might as well get used to his bullshit, especially since this goddamn movie is three fucking hours long. The giant squid keeps killing people, so finally some guys go out and blow it up while the "hero" stays home watching TV and eating nachos or something. Everybody figures the horror is over, but then it turns out that the squid was just a baby and its mom is still out there (duh). Even worse, the squid's mom is super pissed and she wants revenge (double duh). The squid's mom wrecks a mini-sub and kills some more people, so everybody decides they need to take her out, too. The "hero" says it's impossible and goes home to take a nap, so his sidekick goes instead (the sidekick is a black guy who has a baby on the way; this bozo is so dead**). When the squid's mom pulls the whole boat they send after her underwater (this part is actually kinda cool), everybody begs the "hero" to go after her next (I guess they figure either the squid will die or he will, and either way they're better off). Finally he agrees, but he has one condition: the mayor has to come along, just so he can get killed for absolutely no reason. This guy is such an unbelievable cocksucker. Anyway, the "hero's" crew finally tracks the new squid down, and when the moronic super-complicated plan they came up with doesn't work they just blow this one up too***. I liked the little hottie who kept fucking everybody. She looked great in that pink bikini. * I actually read the dumb book this movie was based on, and in the book this guy is named "Whip Darling". Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Fucking fag. Good thing they changed it for the movie version. Now his name is "Flowers Shaftlicker". ** I couldn't believe it, but in the black guy actually survives. Oh yeah, spoiler warning. *** Spoiler warning.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
