Video Picks for Perverts
|
THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
|
(1978)
These jokers get a ship called "Black Whale III" to take them into the Bermuda Triangle, and that's their first mistake right there: doesn't Black Whale III imply that there were two previous Black Whales that sank or exploded or were dragged to a watery grave by octopuses? That doesn't exactly inspire a lot of confidence. Anyway, they find a nasty, dirty, waterlogged, disease-ridden doll floating in the water, so they fish it out and give it to this little girl. The little girl starts feeding the doll raw meat and it starts moving by itself, but try not to get too distracted by that because after a little while the movie pretty much forgets about it. Then they see this ghost ship or something, but two minutes later the movie forgets about that too. The main story ends up being about them trying to get this one chick to a hospital after her legs get crushed in an underwater earthquake (too bad, too- they were nice) while the little girl goes around pushing racial stereotypes into freezers and turning the boat engine on while people are trying to fix the propeller (the only cool part in this lame movie). You would think a movie with the Bermuda Triangle, possessed dolls, evil kids, ghost ships, earthquakes, and at least one hot chick would have to be at least kind of interesting no matter how bad they fucked it up, but they totally prove that theory wrong since almost nothing happens in this flick except a bunch of people talking. If you took out all the talking and just showed the parts where something's going on, this movie would be like five minutes long. Would it have been so hard to have the ghost ship bash into them and have all these zombies come on board and start killing people while the evil doll fights them and the chick with the legs tries to escape but her top comes off? I mean, seriously, how much more would that have cost? Maybe a hundred bucks for the zombie masks and a crisp new fifty dollar bill for the chick who shows us the goods? Take out some of the jawboning and put that kind of shit in here and maybe this wouldn't be such a huge suckhole of a movie.
|
| All original material on this site Copyright 1995-2010 Inept Concepts/Mr. Satanism. All rights reserved. Other materials posted for archival or referential purposes are copyrighted by their respective owners; their use here does not constitute a challenge of said copyright. By moving your lips while you read this, you waived me of all legal responsibilities into perpetuity. Please do not copy original text or images, in whole or in part, without written permission. My lawyer thinks like Darrow and dresses like McBeal, so she will win. Now buy some merchandise, you little bitch. | |
YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
