Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1999)
Ha! I get it. Okay, so we've all been there: you screw an underage chick and she starts screaming rape, so you have to handcuff her to the pool table in the basement. Same old situation, right? In this movie though, it turns out that the chick and another guy are actually pulling some ludicrously complicated scam. You know, I'm really over movies about complicated scams. I think the main reason they make flicks like this is so that any little thing you say spoils the whole movie which makes it harder for critics to explain why it sucks. Well, that's what makes Video Picks for Perverts different- I don't care if I spoil the movie. Basically, the main dude had his girl hump this guy and then pretend she's underage so they can trick him into letting them steal Abraham Lincoln's autograph from the place he's housesitting. Why? So they can hock it to pay back the small-town drug dealer the main dude ripped off, of course. Now, in my experience, drug dealers in jerkwater burgs that only have two or three stoplights generally don't have a lot of reach, so why not just leave town? Or better yet, buy a gun and cap the fucker. I mean, he is a black guy- ain't no one in the sticks gonna care if you ice the black man. Hell, they'd probably give you a medal. Of course if the main dude did either of those things it wouldn't be a ludicrously complicated scam movie, just like it wouldn't be a ludicrously complicated scam movie if at the end it didn't turn out that he was really the one being scammed. The chick is reasonably cute, and somebody backs over a cat in one part, but since we don't see her tits or the cat actually getting squashed there's really no reason to watch this, especially since I pretty much ruined the whole thing for you. You're welcome.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
