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The Best Years of Our Lives

(1946)

You'll spend the best years of your life watching this fucking movie, because it's three hours long. It's about these three military guys who come back from World War Part 2: one's a boozehound, one's married to a bitch, and one has claws because the Jap Nazi bastards burned his hands off or something. There are a couple good parts, like when this chick decides she likes the guy with the bitchy wife and says "I'm going to break that marriage up!", or where this one cat gets punched out and falls through a glass display case, but mostly it's completely fucking boring. Who gives a shit what these guys do after they're done blowing up Nazis? If one of them had a 'Nam flashback, flipped out, and started killing people that would be one thing (the guy with the claws seemed like he was teetering a little close to the brink for a while), but all they do is roll around and go to work and have a beer once in a while. That's not any different than my life, except of course the going to work part. Who wants to watch a movie like that? In the end Claws gets married, the guy married to the bitch gets a divorce, and the drunk gets bombed, so everybody lives happily ever after. Except of course anybody who watches this flick, because they could've watched two movies where stuff actually happens in the time it took to watch this one. Fucking weak.

The Best Years of Our Lives. In shocking 3-D!