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Beyond the Law

(1992)

This movie starts out with a quote from Virgil, a super famous poet guy from like Roman times. Jesus H. Christ, it's a cop movie starring the guy from Hot Shots!  How fucking pretentious can you get? Even worse, it's a complete rip-off of Stone Cold! It's got the exact same story (government dude convinces a cop who plays by his own rules to go undercover and bust a bunch of drug-dealing bikers while shitty hair metal plays), and it's even got some of the exact same scenes! The difference though is that Stone Cold is so fucking awesome that every time you watch it your sack gets blown off and you have to send away for a new one, whereas Beyond the Law is a laughable piece of shit. Like for example, in Stone Cold the Boz has a huge monitor lizard for a pet. In Beyond the Law, the main guy has a turtle. In Stone Cold, the bikers are so hardcore that they shoot beer cans off each other's shoulders. In Beyond the Law, the bikers shoot beer cans that are just sitting on the ground. In Stone Cold, the main biker is that one badass from Aliens and Near Dark. The best Beyond the Law can come up with is the fatass who used to bump heads with Sheriff Lobo. And of course in Stone Cold the Boz eventually hands everyone their dick, but in this flick the undercover guy is a total crybaby who cracks under the pressure. What a fucking pussy. This movie blows.