Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1966)
Ha ha ha! Sweet. Dracula hitches a ride on a wagon in the Old West and ends up talking to one of those annoying old biddies who won't shut the fuck up about their grandchildren and shit. She asks Dracula if he wants to see a picture of her beautiful 18-year-old daughter ("Eighteen and beautiful. Yes, I would like to see her," he says.), and since she obviously doesn't have a fucking clue she invites him to visit their ranch sometime, even though he practically starts jerking off all over the picture right in front of her. Dracula has a better idea though: he gets everyone murdered by Indians and steals the hottie's uncle's identity. Then when he rolls into town he just pretends he is the uncle and moves right into her place. This one German lady knows he's a vampire, so she puts wolfsbane on the hot chick's window to keep him out. That's a great plan, Fraulein Idiot, except he's staying in the same house, so he just comes in through the bedroom door. Duh. Meanwhile, the hot chick just happens to be dating Billy the Kid. Dracula sends his crony to run Billy the Kid out of town, but Billy tricks him and they have a shootout. This part's fucking hilarious, because they're like four feet away from each other- it's like the shootout in that one episode of Police Squad! Billy gets arrested, but when Dracula kidnaps the hot chick he escapes and goes after them; Dracula's all like "Your bullets can't hurt me," so Billy just throws the gun at his face and knocks him the fuck out! I've seen Dracula get his undead ass handed to him in a lot of ridiculous ways, but this was probably the funniest ever- I think I rewound that part like five times. After that BtK stakes Dracula and he turns into a skeleton, but he also turns into a bat, flies away, and dies outside. So, uh, were there two Draculas? What the hell's going on? And why doesn't the sheriff put Billy back in jail when it's all over? Icing Dracula is all well and good, but I don't think it should translate into a get-out-of-jail-free card for Billy the fucking Kid. Didn't he kill a bunch of people?
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
