Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1996)
This fat dude is just minding his own business (which is being a nerd) when this vampire chick shows up and poisons him, then later she turns him into a vampire. Poisoning him first seems kind of gratuitous, but whatever. She dresses the fat guy in a sport jacket and yellow pants and has him go around wasting people and drinking their blood, then she drinks his blood. Again, it seems like it would be easier to like eliminate the middleman and just go drink people's blood herself, but I'm not a vampire so I guess it isn't my place to criticize. Actually, yes it is- that's fucking stupid and doesn't make any sense at all. One old lady the fat dude bites turns into a vampire too, but they painted her face green so she looks more like the Incredible Hulk's grandma or something. He also kills an ugly hooker, a cute hooker, and an underage teenage runaway in thigh-highs, but we don't get to see any of them naked so let's move on. Eventually a cop and this astrology chick figure it out so they go to the house where the vampire lady lives, but her sidekick catches them. It looks like the end for them, but then the sidekick hears the vampire lady talking shit so he gets pissed off and gets this bomb that just happens to be lying around and blows the place up. The cop and his friend escape, but the two vampires and the sidekick bite the dust. This was an unbelievable piece of shit- it looks like they made the whole thing in like one room and just moved the furniture around to make it look like different places. In one part there's supposed to be cops, so they just drive by a DUI checkpoint or something with the camera stuck out the window. You would think that when you're making a movie this fucking lame you would at least put some gore and tits in it, but I guess the guy who made this spent all the money on his camera and the yellow pants and couldn't afford any red paint or girls with no shame. The only good thing about this movie is that Skylaire Alfvegren is in it and she's so hot I'd drink her toilet water, but she's not in a bikini or a short skirt or anything so they even managed to screw that up.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
