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Blue Demon

(2004)

They're training these sharks to disarm bombs or some such moronic bullshit (hello, idiots- that's what dolphins and manatees are for), and since the people running this show are a hideously ugly bitch, a dude so desperate that he actually married her, a midget, and a hipster idiot who thinks it's still 1994, you know something bad is going to happen. Of course the sharks escape, but even though they attack a ton of people almost all of them manage to get away! What the hell good is a shark movie if the sharks don't tear a bunch of people (preferably hot, naked chicks) into bite-size pieces? I figured that in the end the sharks would finally be stopped when they starved to death since they don't seem to be able to catch anything to eat, but actually most of them die when the ugly chick blows up these microchips that are in their heads, which might've been sort of cool if they bothered to show it. So far this movie has been pretty stupid, but they're not done with us yet: it turns out that there's a conspiracy and this one guy sends the last shark to blow up San Francisco with a nuclear bomb. What the fuck? Things don't exactly go the way he planned, though: the shark comes back just before the bomb goes off and blows him up instead.* Meanwhile the bad guy's evil sidekick makes a run for it, but the dude with the ugly wife chases him down in his Saab. You know your shark movie took a wrong turn somewhere when the biggest action part is a car chase. There were a few cute girls in bikinis (and one in her underwear) running around, but since none of them showed us the goods this movie wasted the only real chance it had to not suck complete and total ass. Eat my dripping fuck, Blue Demon.

*The midget's with the bad guy when this happens, but fortunately he hides behind a door, otherwise that nuclear explosion might've killed him.