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Blue Tornado

(1990)

Did you ever see that old TV show Project Blue Book? It was about these two Air Force tools who went around proving UFOs didn't exist, but then at the end of every single episode it turned out they actually did. Well, this could almost be the movie version. The Faceman and Jefferson D'Arcy are a couple of Air Force guys who are Top Gunning and Iron Eagle III-ing it all over creation when this bright light makes Jefferson crash into a mountain. Later we can tell Faceman is pretty bummed out about it, because he walks around looking sad while a song plays that goes like this:

"It's so hard to just pretend and keep on livin'..."

Music and lyrics by "B 4 Ever". Ha ha! Fags. Anyway, Faceman thinks his buddy was killed by a UFO, so he asks if he can take even more airplanes up to investigate. I would think that you could see a UFO just fine from the ground - and you would have less chance of flying into a mountain - but they go for it and sure enough half of these planes crash when the UFO shows up and shoots balls of light at them. Faceman's bosses tell him it was ball lightning, but he isn't buying it so he climbs the mountain himself and has this amazing close encounter of the third kind except instead of bombarding us with a bunch of awesome spaceships and creepy aliens they just shine a klieg light in his face and throw confetti at him. Even worse, Jefferson turns up alive at the end, which really pissed me off. Seriously, I've hated this motherfucker ever since he got to hook up with Marcy on Married with Children. I wanted some of her in a major way:

I don't care what anyone says, I would power fuck that bitch 'til she shit herself, then hose her off and go back for seconds. Too bad she's a lesbo.