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Campfire Tales

(1996)

Okay, this is one of those cases where you have to be really careful, or you're gonna take it up the ass, hard. See, there's another movie called Campfire Stories that starts out almost exactly the same way as this one - idiots have car trouble, wander off into the woods, and end up telling/listening to scary stories - and it's pretty easy to get them confused, which is bad news because Campfire Tales rocks, but Campfire Stories is a total shit salad, complete with shit croutons & shit bacon bits, and smothered in a zesty diarrhea dressing. If I were you I would write down which is which right now, maybe on the back of your driver's license or something. Trust me, if you mix these up and show up at your girl's place on scary movie night with the wrong DVD guess who's gonna get laid? Not you, bucko. Do yourself a favor and listen for once, jerkoff.

Now then, on with the review. This flick has three parts. In the first story tale, this couple is on their honeymoon when their RV breaks down in the woods and they get attacked by a bunch of crazy freaks. It's actually kind of scary, there's some blood, and (best of all) we see the wife's tits, and believe me when I say that she is hot and they are fine. And vice-versa. The second tale is tit-free so it's nowhere near as good, but there is a 12-year-old girl who wanders around in nothing but a towel for a while. Remember that movie Clownhouse where the three little boys spent half the flick in their underwear and later it came out that the guy who made the movie raped one of them or something? I don't know why, but for some reason that just popped into my head. Tale #3 is a fairly freaky ghost story, and then they wrap it all up by totally punking the people telling the stories tales, which is like standard operating procedure in a flick like this but I'll admit I didn't see it coming. I guess it's because I was still thinking about the wife's tits. And maybe a little bit about the 12-year-old in the towel, but only about how wrong it was. How very, very wrong.