Children of the Night

(1991)

This movie takes place in this quiet, mellow little hick town that's so laid back that when someone hits this old guy with a car and just drives away in the beginning, no one does anything or even seems too riled up about it. Anyway, it's basically about these two cool, sexy, cigarette-smokin', booze-stealin' teenage chicks who accidentally free a vampire who takes over the whole town. There's some sick shit like a vampire with lungs on the outside of its body and a vampire who eats leeches, but mostly it's pretty fucking dumb. How you can have two super-cute teenage chicks in a vampire movie and not have them end up dyking it out at some point is beyond me (they don't even show their tits!), but this was made by Fangoria magazine and if there's anyone who doesn't know shit about making a good horror movie it's those fucks, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

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