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Christmas Caper

(2007)

This flick should be flushed down the Christmas crapper. Brenda Walsh is a crook who plans to knock over every house on the block while everyone's at the neighborhood Christmas party, but thanks to her annoying, snitchy little niece she discovers the true meaning of Christmas and everybody watching this movie pukes. Fuck, don't they ever get tired of making the exact same Christmas movie over and over again? Just once can't they come up with a flick where somebody doesn't learn the true meaning of Christmas? Since this movie's completely boring, pointless, and generic anyway they really should've considered going that route. Like for example, instead of giving all the stolen loot back, Brenda could've just kept it. And instead of doing a relatively passable job of taking care of her sister's kids, she could've added to her overall haul by selling them into white slavery. Then at the end when her cop ex-boyfriend gets wise she riddles him with bullets and makes a break for the Mexican border. The last scene would be Brenda in Tijuana, where she does a strip tease out of a sexy Santa outfit to "Jingle Bell Rock", lights up a huge Marley with a fifty dollar bill, and then sits on my face.

You tell me that movie wouldn't rock.