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Cliff Steer: Heart Man

(1996)

"'Heart Man' Cliff Steer visits schools and brings his old, diseased heart..." A lot of teachers do that, but Steer keeps his in a bucket, thus the novelty value. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That’s great. Anyway, this clown is all worried that kids are gonna smoke too much and drink too much and become just like him, so fucking senile they wander the land, saying stupid shit like, "Give yourself a high five!" or "If you have friends who are doing drugs or having early sex, they aren't your friends,” so he goes around to schools and tells kids not to smoke, drink, or have sex. I guess if you’re a “straight edger” this guy is like your fucking hero, which means you really ought to just kill yourself right now. Suicide’s okay if you’re “straight edge”, right? I sure fucking hope so, because otherwise I really pity you.

Anyway, Cliff Steer gives his little speech, points outs his grandkids who are actually in the class he’s talking to (nice job fuckwad- ten to one they get their asses beat in the parking lot after school, every day, for the rest of their lives), then finally whips out the heart, which he keeps in a gym bag. Now, I know his heart is in the right place (Ha!), but giving the speech and maybe passing around a couple of 8x10s should be enough to scare everybody away from booze and smokes and sex.* There’s no reason to carry old body parts around in a bag unless you’re some sort of goddamned freak who just wants an excuse to show off your diseased organ.**

One thing more sucked about this situation; in one part, Cliff says that he had to promise to pimp the Organ Donor program or the people who did his heart transplant wouldn’t give him his old heart back. What the fuck? What kind of bullshit is that? It’s not like the old heart was good for anything, and I’ll bet they didn’t put the new one in for free. But they blackmail this fucked-up old guy with obvious brain damage and a bad ticker anyway? What a bunch of thugs. Fuck you, Organ Donor.

*Except of course the cool kids. You know who you are.

**Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's awesome. I'm on a total fuckin' roll.