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Cool as Ice

(1991)

This starts with Vanilla Ice rapping. Okay, I know it's his movie and everything, but that still doesn't strike me as being a very good idea. Later he hits the road with his homies (three black people, who if you ask me have a lot of explaining to do) and ends up in this hick suburb where he impresses a passable piece of ass by busting out lines like "Drop that zero and get with the hero," saves a kid from kidnappers, and, in my favorite part, rolls through town while everybody stares at him with their mouths hanging open like they've never seen a douchebag before. The main chick has some impressively in-your-face nipples, but we never get a real look at 'em so all that's left is Vanilla wearing pants that would give most people vertigo and conversations like this:

Vanilla: "See ya later, Dick."
Nick: "It's Nick"
Vanilla: "Oh yeah, yeah... 'Nick'."

Owned. I could go on, but making fun of Vanilla Ice really is like shooting monkeys in a barrel, so I'm not gonna waste any more time on this except to mention that after the credits it says "b kool stay n skool". Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You fucking idiots. School's for fags.