Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride

(1974)

It's the swingin', suckin' seventies and Dracula has a whole crew of dipshits on hand to help him destroy the world: there's a hideous Asian bitch; some fur-trimmed vest-sportin', motorcycle-ridin' dorks; and a whole basement full of ugly vampire chicks. Remember when Dracula actually had some standards? Anyway, it's an unbelievably stupid movie, but the part that annoyed me the most is when this one goober kills all the vampire brides just by turning the sprinklers on! They always take that whole "running water kills vampires" bit way too far; okay, I can see a vampire dying if he fell in the river or something, but do you really expect me to believe that you could waste one with a plant mister or by shoving his face in the toilet? Give me a fucking break. Then again, at the end of this flick Dracula dies when he gets stuck in a pricker bush. What a fucking joke. It's generally okay for a vampire movie to suck, but this movie blows.

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