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Creature

(1998)

Some Navy guys come up with a way to cross a dolphin with a shark so they can send it to Vietnam; I guess they figure it can kill gooks during the day, and then entertain the troops at night. With idiot schemes like this it's a wonder we even won that war. Of course one of the dolphin-sharks kills a bunch of people and escapes,* but before it gets too far they manage to trap it in a box. At this point they decide it's just too dangerous, so they sink the box to the bottom of the ocean. Your tax dollars at work

Anyway, 25 years later some people find the box and open it, and since fish don't need to eat or breathe it's still alive and needless to say it starts killing people. Why? Why not, I say. If I was a giant monster shark I'd kill everybody. Fuck 'em. Pretty soon the dolphin-shark mutates or something and starts running around on land offing people, so Coach Hayden Fox takes it on himself to put a stop to it. The dolphin-shark-man-etc. actually looks fairly cool, but this is still completely retarded: there's no gore, no tits, and everybody acts like a complete idiot every chance they get. The best thing about this flick is this primo piece, and it sucks because she's only in it for like a minute:

Truly fine. Why not make her the star? A movie where she just lounged around the beach all day would be at least ten times better than this piece of crap, twenty if the beach was topless.

*Here's an idea: if you don't want your fish to get away, don't build a tunnel between its tank and the ocean. Morons.