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Creepy Tales: Girls Night Out

(2003)

This starts out with this chick running through the woods, which is good because she needs to work off some of that fat ass. She gets inside this building, but whatever was chasing her can't be as bad as what she finds there: it's one of those guys who tells a bunch of different stories and they make a movie out of it, and everybody knows those kinds of movies always suck.

In the first story, these two chicks are going to a party when they see this crazy guy with an axe in the road. They pick up this dude with car trouble so the axe guy won't get him, but that dude turns out to be a rapist and forces them to pull over so he can get some action. Just as he's ready to stick it in the blonde's ass, though, the axe guy shows up and wastes him. The chicks get away, but when they go to this house for help the two old people there are crazy too. With an almost-rape and a part where the blonde gets spanked you'd think there'd be some nudity, but no dice. Too bad, too, 'cause the chicks are both pretty fuckable.

In the next story, this hot chick meets her annoying friend for lunch and these fucking irritating losers hit on them.* Then the annoying chick goes to work for a while but decides to go home early. She gets home and puts on a CD and has a glass of wine and lays around for a while AND NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS!!!! It's like a day in the life of a boring chick. Anyway, she finally ends up killing this dude, and at least the surprise end was sort of cool, but if you're going to make a movie where a chick just sits around her apartment for twenty minutes, at least have her masturbate or something.

The last Crappy Tale (ha!) is about some wheelchair dude who hires this ugly nurse with awful hair to help him around the house and shit, but she's really a crook who wants to marry him for the insurance money. Too bad for her he's a werewolf, and too bad for us it takes like a fuckin' hour before anything happens.

This movie was pretty much a waste- there was hardly any blood, no girls got naked, and people just kept sitting around doing nothing for, like, ten minutes and shit. I think you can only get three or four hours of movie on one DVD, but I'll bet if you could get more these fuckwads would make a mega movie where a chick just sits on the couch and stares at the wall for like a decade, and then doesn't show you her tits.

*The losers are supposed to be like Jay & Silent Bob or something, but they just fucking suck and whoever thought them up deserves to be chopped into pieces and shoved up his own ass.