Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1979)
This starts out with some army dude yelling "That fucking Kennedy!" which was pretty funny and the best part of the movie. Later, this dude is in the CIA or something and he teams up with these mob guys to fuck with Cuba. The first thing they do is force this boat captain to take some guys over to Cuba. The captain doesn't want to do it, so they have to threaten him and shit. Since all he does is drive the boat, it would probably be a lot easier to just find someone who wanted to do it instead of going through all this trouble, but nobody ever thinks of that. Later, when the guys have to get picked back up from Cuba, they have to push the captain around some more, and they even send this chick to spy on him and stuff. The chick first hooks up with him by crashing into his car, then, when he gets out to bitch at her, she drives into the ocean. What the fuck? After that she just sort of hangs around his bar and doesn't do anything, and later they blow her up. I don't know why she was even in this crappy movie. Anyway, the captain finally gives in and picks the guys back up from Cuba, but things don't work out so hot and his buddy gets eaten by a shark. He's super pissed now, but the CIA dude and the mob make him go back to Cuba again, even though the first two trips were like a set-up or something and the whole thing was totally pointless. The CIA dude tries to shoot the king of Cuba or whatever but somebody shoots the CIA dude instead. Meanwhile the mob guys sell some heroin, but when they get back to their speedboat the captain is driving it and they have the first boat chase ever where everybody is on the same boat. I thought that was as dumb as this movie could get, until two minutes later when the mob boss falls in the water and gets eaten by killer turtles. When you make a movie this fucking stupid and boring obviously you need lots of blood and tits or people who go to see it will be rioting in the streets and shit, but of course this movie doesn't have either one. They even messed up this part where they could have had an awesome catfight. Suck my big, fat Cuban cigar, Cuba Crossing.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
