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Cube Zero

(2004)

Alright, they need to stop making these fucking Cube movies. One was fine, but then they made Cube 2 and Cube 3-D and Abbott & Costello Meet the Cube and frankly I've had enough. I especially hate this one though, because it really pisses me off when they make like a "zero" installment of anything. Comic books do this all the time, but you can't have a zero issue of a comic book because there is no fucking zero. That's what zero means. Goddamn retards. Anyway, this movie doesn't have a story or a point or anything; it's just a bunch of people crawling through these rooms that are all the same except that each one has a different horrible trap. Remember the Dungeons & Dragons maze you came up with when you were thirteen? Well, pretend they made a movie out of it. There are a few good gory parts, but there's no tits and the jackass with the wing nut stuck to his eye with modeling clay who shows up towards the end is unbelievably fucking irritating; it's like seriously unsatisfying to have a guy that irritating in a movie and not have him end up getting blown to pieces or eaten by a shark or at the very least demoted from chairman of the board to mail boy and having to take orders from the people he used to be the boss of while silly music plays. This movie is a piece of shit and is probably the dumbest Cube yet, until of course they make Cube Negative One.