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Curse of the Faceless Man

(1958)

Well, they finally did it- they came up with a monster slower than the Mummy. This dead guy from Mount Vesuvius times comes back to life and decides to kill people and chase some floozy around; you know, the usual. The problem is that he's basically covered with rock, and he moves just about as fast as you would expect someone covered with rock to move. I think Charley Darwinism would agree with me when I say that anybody the Faceless Man manages to catch deserves to die. Unless she's hot, but that's okay because nobody in this movie is.  This flick is full of breathing dead people, idiot science, and dumb twats who just stand there when the monster's coming instead of walking away at a brisk pace, but this is my favorite part:

Narrator Guy: "Dr Fiorillo studied the ancient books of his library for hours, and finally found what he wanted: a picture of Roman women at the time that the Roman Empire flourished."

People are getting whacked left and right by a monster and this guy spends all night looking up obscure 2000-year-old porn! Ha! Pure genius. Then there's the part where the cops stake out the front of this broad's apartment, so the monster just comes in through the back door! I also like the photograph that turns into a completely different photograph while the main guy is holding it. For real, this movie is hopeless. Finally, in the exciting climax, the Faceless Man defeats himself by walking into the ocean, because apparently he's water-soluble. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I've said it before and I'll say it again: duh.