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The Curve

(1998)

Everybody in this movie wants to get a 4.0 grade point average so they can get into Harvard ("It's either an MBA from Harvard or you're flipping burgers!" says one asswipe). I'm guessing it's so they can be in one of those Ivy League singing groups that always get described as "delightfully droll". They seem like those types of douches. The problem is that they're all complete fucking idiots, so their only chance is to murder each other and make it look like suicide because their college gives you an automatic 4.0 if your roommate kills himself. So basically this movie is Dead Man on Campus, except not funny and with uglier chicks. It's ironic or whatever too, because everyone in it is so stupid that they probably couldn't even find their way to Harvard, much less go to school there. The dumbest one though is probably the school councilor (or whatever the hell she's supposed to be): when one kid asks her what music suicidal people listen to she says "Anything from the '80s". Yeah, nothing depresses me like that song "Mickey", or maybe a little Van Halen. Of course there's a big twist at the end, but since there's only four main people it's not exactly hard to figure out what's going down (everyone who seems to be on one side will be on the other, excluding dead people and the councilor, who's at home in a warm bath slitting her wrists to a B-52's album). This isn't even one of those movies that would be better with tits, because the chicks are so mediocre it would be amazing if that wasn't like a contradiction. It's hard to believe they could make a version of Dead Man on Campus without the kid from Saved by the Bell and have it actually be worse, but I guess with computers these days anything is possible.