Darkon

(2005)

"It is a time of unrest in the realm of Darkon..." I'll bet it is, you fucking dorks. This movie is about a bunch of idiots who run around in parks, behind schools, and occasionally at Denny's pretending Dungeons & Dragons is real and hitting each other with sticks. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! One person in this movie actually says "I'm 28, I live in my parents' basement..." My favorite though is the fat guy who's a loser in real life and a loser in "Darkon". Seriously, how fucking pathetic is that? What is this guy supposed to do now? Create a make-believe world inside the make-believe world? I definitely see a shooting spree in his future. You know what would be awesome? Finding out where they're gonna play next, barging in there dressed like robots, blasting everybody with Super Soakers, and then telling them that they're all dead because you're from the future and were sent back in time to wipe out nerds. Then you could have your way with their hot elf women, assuming some of them are actually hot which if this flick is any indication is pretty unlikely.

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