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Dark Universe

(1993)

An astronaut gets infected by space spores and turns into a ridiculous monster.* His spaceship ends up crashing in a swamp, and the next thing you know he's killing people. First on the list- a skinny dork, his girlfriend (hmmm... hit the gym baby, and we'll talk), and of course a crotchety old guy and his dog. Crotchety old guys with dogs never do catch a break in these movies, do they? Some people eventually come looking for the astronaut, and they bring along a cute reporter so she can get the story and of course show us her tits later. First though they need a guide, and for some reason the only guy available is this metrosexual faggot who lives in a shack and doesn't believe in modern conveniences (except hair gel, apparently). Once they get out into the swamp not only does the monster start kicking ass and taking names, but all this other crazy shit goes down too: there's an armadillo attack (this part's hilarious); pieces of the monster turn into new, different monsters; and a worm bursts out of some guy's neck. In the end one chick wants to shoot the monster with a flare gun, but this other cat says that won't hurt it because the monster didn't even burn up when it fell out of space. But then the chick remembers that swamp gas burns even hotter than falling from outer space (I guess) so she shoots the ground with the flare gun and the whole monster bursts into flames. That's retarded, but at least there's a decent amount of gore in this movie, and trust me, it's worth seeing just for the reporter's flawless rack. They should cast those puppies in stone and hang 'em in the Louvre, seriously.

*If you got really drunk one weekend and tried to make the monster from Alien in your garage, it would probably end up looking a lot like this.