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Dead and Deader

(2006)

Scorpions are crawling inside people and turning them into zombies, and one of the unlucky fuckers this happens to is Clark "Lois & Clark" Kent. I guess he's still got a little Superman in him though, because he ends up becoming a good zombie (gay), rounds up entirely too many sidekicks, and fights the evil zombies. This flick has the worst annoying black sidekick coming back to life cop-out since Jaws 4, and the good guys would've saved the day a lot sooner if they didn't stop every two minutes to make some lame reference to another movie (I swear to God, if I hear one more person bring up Star Wars in a flick that isn't actually about Star Wars I'm gonna start kicking people in the nuts. And rest assured you're at the top of the fucking list, Kevin Smith. I know that if you take "Star Wars references" out of your bag of tricks that doesn't leave much else besides "farting", but that's your problem, fatass.), but there is a ton of gore, one pair of tits, and a zombie midget so amazingly enough it actually ends up being an okay movie. In the end they blow up all the bad zombies and Zombie Clark wraps everything up by giving a big speech about being one of those guys like the Hulk or Werewolf who wanders around the country doing odd jobs and turning into a monster just in time to save the day. I guess that means the people who made this actually think it could be a TV series, which I suppose wouldn't be the height of idiocy but it would definitely be renting in the same building. I have a better idea: they should get rid of all the characters except Clark Kent and turn it into "Zombie Lois & Clark". In fact, they could hire the same chick to be Lois; she wouldn't even need any makeup nowadays. Seriously, have you seen that bitch lately? She looks like she got her face done at Mummies R Us and then used the bread she saved to buy new tits at the Used-Up Single Mom Superstore. It's hard to believe something so fine could go so downhill so fast. That just goes to show that you should never be like shallow or whatever and hook up with a broad just because she's hot. She should definitely be rich too.