
Video Picks for Perverts
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(1989)
This white trash kid gets shit from everybody: the vice principal kicks his ass, these losers who hang around in front of the liquor store punching each other in the stomach kick his ass, his step-dad kicks his ass... One day he finds this laser gun the Army lost during the most unrealistic train wreck ever,* which you know is gonna be bad news because whenever someone who gets picked on in a movie gets hold of any kind of gun the shit always hits the fan. Just once I want to see a movie where someone who gets picked on finds a gun and takes the high road. Anyway, later the step-dad bashes the family dog's head in with a baseball bat (the fake dog in this part is hilarious), so he ends up being the first one to get his face burned off. After that the kid like confronts the losers in front of the liquor store, but instead of shooting them he blows up the store! That motherfucking little prick. He's gone way too far now- somebody needs to take his ass down, pronto. Heather Chandler (the Heather who drinks drain cleaner in Heathers) gets pretty wet when she sees all this going down though ("I love it when you fire the gun..."), so she hooks up with him and they go on a crime spree. Finally the military shows up, so the kids take everybody hostage. The main kid's Native Indian friend tries to give him some advice & save his moron ass, but since it's just a bunch of drunken gibberish about flying eagles and shit (stupid Indians) the kid ignores him and makes a run for it. He doesn't get far though and in the end the military dudes blow him away. There's nowhere near enough people getting killed or stuff exploding in this movie, but it's definitely worth seeing just for Heather Chandler's hot little ass in tight leather pants. Too bad they never show her naked. *Unless they really do have stop lights for trains at places where stopping the train will make it fall off the tracks and into a river.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.