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Dead Weekend

(1995)

Someday I need to make a list of like the ten worst movies I've ever seen just so I can put this piece of fucking shit on there. This alien chick lands in some city, so these military police dudes evacuate it and start looking for her. One of the police dudes is Sledge Hammer, but he spends most of his time sitting around this canteen or whatever eating beans, drinking beer, and listening to Lords of the New Church songs. His partner actually finds the alien, but since she can turn into any chick she wants (as long is that chick is ugly and nasty as fuck), he decides to nail her and help her escape. Meanwhile this DJ guy has a secret radio station or something (it has a phone line and he keeps giving out the number, so you'd think the cops could find it, but whatever) and he helps the alien by passing along messages and shit. The DJ fucks up though when he sends his assistant out for coffee, because some cops looking for him catch the assistant and secretly poison it. I guess they figure that if they grab every person walking around with a cup of coffee and poison every single one, there's like a 0.0000000000000000000000000000001% chance they'll poison one that just happens to be being delivered to the DJ. That's called playing the odds.*

Now that the DJ's dead the police start looking for the cop who's helping the alien, but he tricks everyone by killing another cop and switching name tags with him, even though he's a skinny white guy and the cop he kills is a fat and black. The alien finally turns into an Asian chick who's actually hot,** but before she can escape in her spaceship the police manage to catch her. Then, I swear to fucking God, she asks real nice so they just let her go. If even one of the chicks who got naked was half-way decent I could've let the rest of this stupid shit slide, but these bitches were so goddamned ugly I wouldn't fuck 'em for money. Worthless crap...

*I wonder how far that dude had to go to find carry-out coffee, what with the whole city being evacuated and under martial law and shit.

**Of course this is the only chick they don't show naked, fucking assholes.