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Death Tunnel

(2005)

A few weeks ago I watched this movie called Session 9 that I didn't bother reviewing; it was pretty good though. Well, this movie is like the Bizarro version of it: instead of five dudes in a haunted hospital it's five girls, and instead of being totally freaky it's an incomprehensible pile of shit. Now I'll be honest here: if some jokers came into my office and said "We've got this flick where five chicks run around an old hospital in lingerie and ghosts kill them all," I'd be like "Make that fucker!" Then I'd have all five actresses blow me. In a row. Too bad the bozos who did make this screwed up almost everything: this dame with a huge watermelon head is like the featured rack (after she pops it out I think the ghosts puke on her); the hottest chick, on the other hand, never gets naked- she just gives herself an abortion then jumps off the roof (that brings back some memories). There is some decent gore, but a movie needs more than gore to truly rock, it needs tits too, and not ones provided by some mutant freak with a gigantic Charlie Brown head. Way to suck, Death Tunnel.