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Déjà Vu

(1984)

"Déjà vu" means that it seems like you did the same thing before, which makes it a pretty dumb name for this movie because if you've seen it before then there's no way in hell you'd be watching it again. It starts when this chick drags her fiancé to some gay movie and he gets all obsessed with the dead actress who starred in it. He decides to write his own movie about her falling in love at first sight, and naturally the guy she falls in love with is him. What a creep. Later he goes to some ridiculous psychic gypsy Russian lush ("Wodka for me") to get some more information, and suddenly he starts talking in the dead chick's voice! This part is hilariously fake and retarded, by the way. Things really spiral out of control after that: there's a weird message on his answering machine, he gets mail, his cat scratches someone's arm... It's almost more than the mind can bear. Finally his girlfriend* gets possessed and starts running amok, but all she manages to do is commit some petty vandalism before she accidentally kills herself. Stupid ghost.

The whole time this flick was on I kept thinking that this is what standing in a Russian bread line must've been like. For real, you think you've been watching it for at least an hour, but when you look at the clock it's only been like eleven seconds. You might think I hate this because it's a "chick flick" or whatever, but I'm pretty sure even a girl would draw the line at a romance movie about a guy who gets his fiancé killed by a ghost because he decides to stalk a dead chick. You know how some movies have something for everybody? This movie has something for nobody.

*That's his real girlfriend, not his imaginary one.