This starts in outer space, then we go down, down, down to Santa's house at the North Pole. Then it turns out Santa's house is actually inside a snow globe, and then it turns out the whole thing is just a dream! For Christ's sake, it's a Dennis the Menace movie- what the hell is going on? And it doesn't stop not making sense there: next we see Dennis the Menace in a Thanksgiving play, but he lets this turkey out of its cage and then all the other kids suddenly start a food fight for absolutely no reason. Later Mr. Wilson flips out on Dennis the Menace's parents and says he never wants their kid on his property again but two seconds later he's babysitting him, and in the end Dennis the Menace is rewarded with a bike and told what a good person he is for causing $45,000 worth of damage to Mr. Wilson's house and almost killing the man (twice). Seriously, nothing that happens has any connection to anything else that happens- it's like the laws of causality do not apply to this movie.

Since there's no logic, I'll just list some of the stuff that happens:

• Dennis the Menace gets Mr. Wilson's name in a "secret Santa" drawing.
• Mr. Wilson reveals that he is a Marxist.
• We learn that, in the world of Dennis the Menace, "stupid" is a cuss word.
• Dennis the Menace is accused of sexual assault.
• A black guy from outer space gets stuck in Mr. Wilson's chimney.
• Mr. Wilson travels through time.
• The Olsen Twins are elected President.

I swear to fucking God I'm not making any of this up- it's one of the most surreal things I've ever seen in my entire goddamn life, and I'm older than your parents. If you plan on being on drugs any time between now and Christmas, you HAVE to watch this movie. In fact, for people who do drugs this will probably become like a holiday staple.

Bonus: Dennis the Menace's mom has an incredible ass.