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Despiser

(2003)

One time I was really trying to get laid so I let this chick talk me into watching the movie What Dreams May Come, which of course was totally gay just like everything that limp-wristed crybaby faggot Robin Williams is in. I figured it would at least be good when they went to Hell, but even that part was totally wimpy and queer. Well, this movie is sort of the same thing except a lot better. It starts out when this guy crashes his car and goes to Purgatory (that's this place the Catholics made up that's sort of like Hell, but not quite as bad- think Akron, Ohio on a Saturday night). Purgatory is full of all these evil zombie guys with sickles and hatchets and shit, plus some normal people who drive around in mid-size cars and shoot the zombies with guns. The main dude joins up with the normals, but then he comes back to life and ends up back in the real world again. The alien who rules Purgatory wants him back though, so he sends a zombie guy to Earth to throw the dude's wife off a ten story building. The dude decides the only way to get her back is to drive into the river, drown, go back to Purgatory, whup the alien's ass, and I guess hope that someone gives him mouth-to-mouth before he stays dead forever. This movie has shitloads of cartoon effects and most of them look like they were done by the TRS-80 Whiz Kids, but even though it looked pretty chintzy it was a lot better than watching that pussy Robin Williams cry like a bitch and swim around in paint for two hours.