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Detour

(1945)

This dude decides to hitchhike from New York to L.A. to see his girl, and I guess he's a little confused or just fucking stupid, because somehow he ends up going there by way of England (you can tell he's in England because everyone drives on the left side of the road and the steering wheels are on the wrong side of the car). He finally gets on the right track and is in Arizona or someplace when this one dude picks him up and says he'll take him the rest of the way, and even buys him dinner. It's starting to look like our boy might have to dole out a road hummer or two, but then the driver has a heart attack or something so I guess he's off the hook. At least he would be, except he decides to hide the body, rob the dude, and steal his car. He has like this big justification or whatever that the cops would blame him for the guy being dead and all, but it was a fucking heart attack- does he think the cops are gonna say he's a Scanner or something? The fact of the matter is that this guy's just a goddamned idiot.

Anyway, things go okay for about twenty seconds until he decides to pick up this ugly chick hitching by the side of the road. It's bad enough that she's a hag, but she also knows he killed the guy and is a complete bitch, so now she tries to blackmail him into doing all this crazy shit. A super-hot chick might be able to pull off this kind of crap, but nobody's gonna take shit like that from a broad this ugly, so the dude ices her, too. In the end, he's sitting in some diner crying like a bitch and trying to lay low by making this big scene and starting a fight.

I don't think I've ever seen a movie where the main guy was as retarded as this- and that includes movies where the main guy really is retarded and has to overcome obstacles and shit until everyone accepts him and your mom cries. They ought to remake it with someone we already know is a moron playing him, like Adam Sandler or something. Then if you watched it at least you would know what you were getting yourself into.