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Distraught

(2006)

It's dangerous to call your movie something like "Distraught", because then wags* will be able to make all these really obvious comments about it, like "I was Distraught all right, mainly because I had to sit through this movie," or "You'd be Distraught too, if you wasted your time watching this piece of crap." I prefer to be more direct though and just say that it's a steaming pile of shit, because I don't want to be called a "wag". It sounds too much like "fag". Anyway, the whole movie is just one person getting tortured, which would be okay if it was someone who everybody really wants to see get tortured, like Hal Sparks ("Dear Hal Sparks - Please die. Love, the Entire Fucking World."), or if, say, a Catholic schoolgirl was somehow involved. But it's just some Joe Sixpack getting the business and who wants to watch that? In the end it turns out Joe Sixpack got tortured because he ran over some kid while he was drunk driving or something, so I'm guessing this movie was sponsored by MADD, which is just one more reason to stay away from it. Fuck those frigid bitches.

*"Wag" is a snooty word for "smartass".