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Doom Runners

(1997)

Just what the world needed- a post-apocalypse movie made by Nickelodeon. Give me a fucking break. According to Nickelodeon (duh), in the future pollution destroys the world, most grownups disappear, and everything left is run by this evil corporation called - wait for it - "The Corporation" (brilliant). The Corporation has these soldiers called "Doom Troopers", but most people just call them "DTs" which leads to tons of hilarious shit like this one punk saying that everyone is "frightened of the DTs". Yeah, me too, kid. Just knock back a couple of stiff ones and they go away, I promise. Anyway, some of Jim Henson's Mad Max Babies decide to make a run for it on their hoverboards, along with a bald retard and their ridiculous mind-reading dog that has a goddamned light bulb strapped to its head. Along the way they have to deal with smoke bombs (lots of smoke bombs- smoke bombs must've been like 50% of this movie's budget), a whole gang of Billy Idols, and of course the DTs, who would probably be scarier if they didn't look like the time Sledge Hammer became "Hammeroid". Since it's basically for little kids and little kids are generally pussies it's not gory or anything, so except for the main girl, who's TYTBSH (Too Young To Be So Hot™), there's really no reason to watch it.