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Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness

(2004)

This salvage ship or whatever finds an old spaceship and lands on it. Besides the captain, there's: Coolio (nice hair, mook), Deebo, a guy in a wheelchair, and two ugly chicks who look like men. I guess the crew of the Serenity doesn't have anything to worry about. It's so far in the future that nobody knows what "God" is or what vampires are, but black people still talk ghetto and I guess we're supposed to be all amazed and shit that the Soviet Union is back and that pot was made legal like "50 years ago". (That would be 2950, right? Tough break, NORML.)

Anyway, it turns out Dracula is on the ship (he says he's from planet Transylvania, but he's not a sweet transvestite or anything, which is too bad because that probably would have been a better movie than this one is). Dracula breaks Coolio's leg so bad the bone is sticking out, but that doesn't stop him from running after people and jumping around all over the place after he turns into a vampire. Everybody runs around yelling and fighting for a while until suddenly the ship blows up for absolutely no reason. The end. There's hardly any blood at all and no nudity, but in this case that's a good thing.

Fuck this piece of shit.