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Dr. Shock's Tales of Terror

(2003)

God fucking dammit- not this worthless fuckstain. He makes people in costumes who show crappy movies on local TV stations look like idiots. "Dr. Shock" used to be on this one channel in Toledo, Ohio that was known mainly for having the most Diff'rent Strokes reruns. He showed the same three or four crappy movies over and over again, and every once in a while he would come out and do stupid shit like fall down or run around an alley with a shopping cart like a complete jackass. His show was such an utter piece of fucking shit that in the end it got cancelled for an infomercial. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Loser. I figured he went back to his job bagging groceries or something a long time ago, but I guess not because here he is on this DVD of four different little movies, which pretty much proves that there is no God, for those of you keeping track.

In the first movie this vampire gets pissed off at the mob. That's actually a pretty good idea: they could've had vampires and wops going around completely fucking each other up until the very end where the mob boss has a gi-normous wedding for his daughter and the vampires raid it and there's a huge gory battle where everything gets destroyed and the daughter gets killed and decides she wants to direct instead. That's what they could have done. All they actually did though was have one vampire throw this other dude around a warehouse. Weak. The mediocre chick the vampire nails doesn't even show her tits.

The next one is about these two fat, filthy fucks who open the dirtiest pizza place ever. For some reason it's super-popular anyway, probably because this movie is fucking stupid. Of course they're killing people and putting them in the pizza, so the sheriff rolls on over there and shoots their asses. That's it. Nothing else happens. In the end it gives special thanks to "the many, many Dr. Shock fans". Yeah, keep dreaming, Dr. Shock.

The third movie is about some loser whose job, I guess, is to take care of this empty field (duh). It seems like he's running around killing people, but in the end it turns out the killer is really his twin brother, who they forgot to tell us existed before now. Nice twist, retards. Oh well, at least there was some gore in this one.

The last flick just has a bunch of guys in crappy Halloween masks running around yelling at each other, and in the end it turns out it was all a dream. You know the dreams you have sometimes that are just totally random and don't make any sense at all? I guess it was one of those.

Needless to say all of these "movies" suck, but not as bad as Dr. Shock does when he comes on in between and starts jumping around and yelling and being completely fucking annoying. Imagine if the most obnoxious person you ever met took a bunch of speed and then barged into your house right as you were about to fuck a super-hot chick and you'll kind of get an idea how irritating this guy is. He needs to learn a lesson or two from some of the great movie show hosts of the past:

	Commander USA and Lefty
That stoned guy from Mystery Science Theater 3000
	Elvira's rack