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Dungeons & Dragons:
Wrath of the Dragon God

(2005)

These types of movies are all the same- there's always this thing these people have to find and they have to go on this long quest or whatever to get it- it's fucking gay. This time they need to get some orb* to keep this big dragon from waking up and going completely batshit bonkers and trashing everything. One dude gets put in charge of the quest so he rounds up the usual group of morons they always have in these movies: a tough chick; some short guy who's supposed to be funny; a fag; and this hot, bitchy elf. Of course they wander around forever and go on and on about all this stupid shit like "The Goblins of Kirdle" and "The Pool of Sight" and who knows what the fuck else before they finally get the orb thingie, then after all that the goddamned dragon wakes up anyway. Since the elf never got naked, the only really good part of this movie was when the fag got eaten by a (different) dragon and then it exploded and pieces of the fag ended up laying all over the place. If this was an actual game of Dungeons & Dragons that's the part where the fat loser who was playing the fag would have flipped out and bitched that the Dungeon Master was cheating and thrown his Mountain Dew at him or something, but even without that added bit of entertainment this scene was still pretty cool.

*You know, you don't find a lot of stores with a decent selection of orbs these days. What's with that?